Recent Comments

Anonymous
3/21/21, 8:55 PM
I'm looking forward to the dad helping him out
Martin
3/21/21, 8:54 PM
I didn't remove it from the challenge myself. You must have made an error when submitting or editing it, so it wasn't in the challenge. I've added it now to the challenge. Or, if you really want to make a series out of it, I'll remove it again. Your choice.
3/21/21, 7:47 PM
Not very original plot, but very well set up and well written. It was still really arousing. I am looking forward to more to see where you take the story now.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 7:37 PM
Oh that makes sense! I myself was actually wondering if Tom would eventually get Ben by dosing the shower water but apparently not 😅
3/21/21, 7:36 PM
I'm loving the story. I can't wait to see where it goes next. I have just an advice for you: proofread the story for mistakes and such. Keep on going man!❤
3/21/21, 6:33 PM
BPtime, I had that thought too after I finished writing the story. My handwavey answer is that, no, the guy who fixed the pump didn't actually try any of the water (or if he did, it was just a sip, not enough to affect him). This is also my answer to the question of why Ben isn't affected by showering or brushing his teeth.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 6:32 PM
Originally, this was supposed to be for the "fallen hero" contest but was released as a story like that, not sure why. Didn't fit, probably. So that explain the rushed aspect. Yeah, with that ending I came up almost on the fly, a sequel would be nice, but I don't think I will come back to it immediately. I have other things in my life and other stories I want to focus on. But I guess I want to explore a relationship where both are mind-controlling the other in an unhealthy way. Thanks for the encouragement. I guess it'll be a series.
3/21/21, 6:27 PM
I'm excited to see what will happen next!
3/21/21, 6:00 PM
Great world-building, well thought-out action. A terrific accomplishment for people who like exposition and plot in their stories. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 5:11 PM
wow!!! that was hot... I'd love to hear what happened when the guys hit the gym...
3/21/21, 4:59 PM
I thought there was going to be a section where Twofer reacts to the story going out on Darryn's blog. This is a really interesting premise that could go in many different directions.
3/21/21, 4:31 PM
It's a go idea ;D But yes, I think the end is a little rush, maybe you can also add something on what happen when Elijah and Jacob meet at the motel or if the other soldiers will meet him sometime later... in the end is a great story with some twist i didn't expect... maybe some edition to add more details or split in a couple of chapters will be great ;D hope you do, I will love to read more on this :3 💙💙💙
3/21/21, 4:28 PM
That was an intense exercise in steady, persistent corruption! Re: identifying characters by their hair colour, I thought it might have been a little over-emphasised. Anyway I hope this story does really well in the contest!
3/21/21, 4:05 PM
I agree with the Hurried comment. I quite understand it as I do so myself. I want to get the story out and reviewed, then once on line, I see all the errors anyone else would have seen on first read. Also, I'm guessing this was written by speech-to-text or Google translate, given the semantic and grammar errors. I love the concept and progression and with a wee bit of editing would be a fantastic story. Good job, overall
3/21/21, 3:52 PM
Hot story! I recognise the style of this one, and I really enjoy many of your other works.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 3:35 PM
This story was so hot, thank you so much! With this being the happy ending, any chance for us to get a taste of the bad one?
BPtime
3/21/21, 3:32 PM
My estimate is that Ben won't make it. There's no way stopping the power of water. I bet he'll come to daddy. And then with daddy, and Parker. A nagging thought: what happened to the people that repaired the pump? Didn't they taste of the water? And if so, wouldn't they roam around in search for further hydration?
3/21/21, 2:53 PM
want to read more like this w/genie magic but unable to access patreon or buy anything since don't have debit/credit card......bummer
3/21/21, 2:43 PM
Ridiculously hot! Great first effort, and I hope a great start... LLOYD
TimTim
3/21/21, 2:20 PM
The hunger Chase has for the pollen at the end is hot! Can't wait for the next part and Chase becoming a beefy biker.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 1:43 PM
excellent
Martin
3/21/21, 1:39 PM
Very intriguing start! Can't wait to see where this is going to!
3/21/21, 1:21 PM
A great second part! I hope Chase gets huge!
3/21/21, 12:01 PM
hope you ll continue this storry also would be great if there will be a continuation of bob
Anonymous
3/21/21, 11:34 AM
Umph, everything about this really gets me going. Love the underwear briefs! Can't wait to see Ben submit and give himself to his Daddy!
Jonanator
3/21/21, 8:18 AM
this is a good story. I hope you do more.
3/21/21, 8:15 AM
Thanks for the new chapter! As always very good written. I would love to have read more about the varieties of visual and non-visual modifications. And I'm looking forward to see how Noel's and 107's life will be in the system .
3/21/21, 8:02 AM
another great chapter, even though id like to see more, understand that you need break from this. What i liked was that Vince has given his big brother a liking for leather, be good to see his cop uniform being turned into a leather cop uniform
3/21/21, 6:51 AM
looking forward to see where it goes!!
3/21/21, 6:24 AM
I love the premise here, but I get the feeling this story was written in a hurry. I noticed a lot of formatting errors and typos that made it hard to read. I also had a hard time getting invested in the characters (or even telling them apart), so their transformation into demons didn't mean very much to me. My advice would be to keep writing and look at the work of authors like Tom Gungy, who's really a master of this type of story; he knows how to build suspense, so that the corruption (when it inevitably comes) is exciting for the reader.