everyone in the comments has said it already, but wow this story is truly phenomenal! i’ve read pretty much all of your dumbing down stories and this one takes the cake - which is an impressive feat given the stuff you’ve written. this is such a clever way to use the dumbing down kink and to reimagine it in a way that’s fun to read but also interesting to analyze (unlike kyle, who probably can’t analyze anything now lol). this is seriously an amazing story and if there was a gay erotica award you would deserve it!
this chapter was so good. i really enjoy mr brady enjoying a golden shower.
Wow, what a long chapter. :) Now, don’t get me wrong, this is great, its just that due to its length I am going to need a few days to actually take it all in. So expect a longer comment later on.
That said, the idea of Dennis in the game is awesome. I love how he is blatent and yet not, in such a way that Jese thinks nothing of it. I also like the clothing, especially the fact that Dennis can see Jese’s ass, that’s a nice touch. Hope lots of moments occur that lead to groping and fingering and maybe butt near face, with Jese coming to like it from Dennis more and more.
While the other NPCs were cool, and I like how Jese wants to save the two, I like Dennis in it more.
That’s all I have so far, will need to read more. Awesome so far. :)
Wow, man, what a phenomenal chapter! And so long too, I absolutely loved it! It was so hot! I really enjoyed Dennis playing alongside Jese, I think I like this better than him as the master of the game, cause this way he can actually be there seeing Jese go through all this sexy gay stuff and act like an impartial third party when he’s actually the one doing everything! This is super hot! I also loved how you made Jese’s new armor super slutty, with only a jockstrap as pants! This is so fucking hot, shit! I can’t wait to see Jese in this new armor, exposing his ass all the time. I would love if Jese keeps getting into embarrasing situations when he is with that armour, always exposing his ass and tight hole to Dennis, on accident or by being oblivious to it, to then just realize what he had been doing and get super embarrassed by it, thinking that Dennis was seeing his hole! This would be supremely hot. Like an ecchi manga, with lots of fanservice for Dennis and us :) and it would be incredible if Dennis could somehow manipulate the game to make this slutty armour Jese’s permanent outfit, like with a curse or something, and he can’t change it until he finishes a quest or whatever. That would be so hot! I really loved the scene where Jese had to sit on Dennis lap so they could fly to retrieve the mounts. I love those kinds of scenes with lots of sexual tension and innuendo so please keep it up! I also think it would be awesome if Jese and Dennis somehow had to fuck inside the game in order to complete a mission or quest, thus giving Jese a perfectly good excuse to get fucked by Dennis without coming out or something like that. Anyway man, I absolutey loved this chapter and I can’t wait to read more, good job! Hope you liked the suggestions and that a new chapter comes up soon! Cheers, well done!
missed your stories, man. cant wait to read this chapter
I can’t wait to read the continued progress of your story.
Excited for more.
@Derek Williams: I look forward to seeing what you can do with dumbing down yet autonomous story.
Hot start! I’m looking forward to the next part.
I enjoyed your concept of “nothing” and how you brought it about. Then shooting away their very selves. And then All conquers nothing. Well done. (the kamikaze driver was a bit dark)
Well. I loved it. It was a perfect amount of struggle on the part of the victim. And the illustration of exactly how powerful and conniving Mark actually was in that moment, when he pinned him and started go to ham was well done. It felt genuine that Todd barely could keep struggling in the face of that much determination because even I was like, “Damn dude you really pulled this off, you got me.” It also felt like Mark had some genuine motivations and justification, though unfortunately now that he’s like 13", it feels like his personality has been distorted into a somewhat cruel level. I don’t think 9" Mark was planning to make Todd a pass-around-sub, I think Mark just wanted someone for himself. But it’s entirely consistent with the writing that he’s distorted himself in the process of trying to capture Todd.
Though, at 9" Mark wouldn’t have really scared most guys off but now he is genuinely freakish. And he may think he’ll be the star of a sex party; maybe he will. But I think that crowing about a 13" cock being popular is more the mental distortion talking. I think he’s going to scare off guys unless they’re already extremely submissive and into extreme assplay. So if he gets bored and wants to rail someone other than Todd? He might have to give up a couple inches to someone else “temporarily”. It would be interesting if that provides a chance for Todd to escape or at least get back to normal. Probably not. ;)
Thank you. More to cum 😅
Have to say I wasn’t a huge fan of the intro - dealing with the grief of a dead loved one isn’t really a turn on. But once you got into the meat of the story I found myself really enjoying things and you did a great job of framing things in the historical setting
Please keep going! Off to a really great start.
this was so HOT!!
amazing start! can’t wait to read more!
Keep going
great
My fantasy is almost this. Difference is I am having coffee and the man joins me uninvited at the table.
@New Guy In Town - Thanks! The use of the word ‘metaphor’ in this story was a bit of a stab at the faux intellectualism that can surround literary criticism, and yeah, it was intentionally misused. It sounds like a fun challenge to try and write a dumbing down story where the subject keeps autonomy and control… I’ll put that in the idea folder. As for your idea folder, your meta story sounds fun. I hope you write it!
@MonsterMash62 - Extreme Changeover where I learned what I call ‘transformation in stages’. It’s not just one moment, but a whole set of steps that lets us explore how the character feels as each aspect of themselves is changed. It’s had a tremendous impact on my writing, and that’s why I picked it to include. Plus it’s damn hot. I sort of pair it with this picture in my head: http://musclejocks.blogspot.com/2009/07/muscle-jocks-of-day.html?m=1
@SubMuscleGuy - Thanks! As soon as I thought “What if there was a class that dissected dumbing down and it brought you along for the ride” I couldn’t help but write it. There are so many great stories under the ‘dumber’ tag that it was hard to pick just a few.
@MeddlerIncs - Thanks! I feel like I’m standing on the shoulders of giants with this one.
@JockPupTraxxx - Aw, thanks man. I love when people like my work enough to comment on it. I’m basically a slut for praise, without the comments I doubt I’d write.
another great story as usual
Amazing start to the story! Looking forward to more
I really liked the pace of the story. I got to know the characters well enough. Please continue
Fantastic story, DW. And the reference material is the stuff of legend as well. Really well written.
I’d like to read more. This was a hot beginning!
i would love to see a role reversal of the nerd being the bigger jock/top/dom country trucker in their relationship post hypnosis and tf.
need more of Bob being the bottom bitch of the family. He is the alpha of the house before I would love him to be the lowest in the family. Thank you for being an awesome writer!
All that fun and no guilt I’m in , lol
Ooo new reading materials! Mimbo drops I’ve read before and fell in love with it, so it’ll be good to have more stories to add to my list! Speaking of, yours was really well written, and it was wonderful to see the gradual transformation of them both. Kudos to you! =]
This story has so many elements that I really love, including underwear fetish and serial recruitment. But I feel like it’s missing one very important ingredient that would make it sizzling hot: conflict,
No one’s offering any resistance to the Revive shorts, no one seems reluctant to try them on, and no one seems remotely distressed that they’ve suddenly turned gay. Heck, there’s not even any conflict between the various Revive-controlled teams in the tournament, as the protagonists get picked in advance to win.
If you write a third chapter to this–and I hope you do–I’d love to see you introduce a character, maybe a coach or father, who gets suspicious of Revive and actually puts up a fight.
