Recent Comments

8/29/20, 9:38 PM
I know its been a while but I still want more from this series
Nick C
8/29/20, 9:34 PM
hot creative idea. nice descriptions of the environment and action. i like
Flamefox23
8/29/20, 8:33 PM
i love the way the story ended, giving people a sliver of hope just to entertain the new god. though they will never win itll give them spice of life.
Aug 23, 2020
8/29/20, 6:48 PM
I'm PRETTY sure that Twinkbot is a real boy, but i'm not sure... And I LOVE that. The bait and switch at the end of the chapter was a tad sudden, but I'm down to know what happens next if you don't want to end it there.
Anonymous
8/29/20, 6:47 PM
Keep it up! Love this story.
Aug 25, 2020
8/29/20, 6:38 PM
This is such an interesting story! I love how it opens up the universe so well with so little. The government sanctions this place, but there are still detractors that just get processed and silenced. it's fantastic!
8/29/20, 5:32 PM
Ah, I missed this one <3 The break at the end reminds me of Stacy's dad, not really a fan but you do you~
8/29/20, 3:28 PM
Great work HL! I enjoyed the ride and I think that even if Jafar was all-powerful and therefore, the one to win eventually, the whole trip was an amazing adventure. The waiting for each new chapter was compensated by well-written descriptions and a variety of interesting and captivating transformation scenes. Every time I though I knew what was coming next, I was surprised by an unexpected but very pleasant turn of events. Jafar's win was obvious from the very beginning, but I didn't read the story for its end, I read it because I was interested in the way the characters would evolve, get together, fight for each other, and since we are talking about spiral stories, eventually be corrupted and turn into something else, something new. Thank you for this great story and I hope we will soon read something new from you. Good luck for the future!
8/29/20, 3:18 PM
I am super interested in where this is going. Love the look into the separate lives of the men and i can't wait to see what happens next.
8/29/20, 2:41 PM
The mindset scenes were great. The sex scenes wwre fantastic. The pov switches were well done. The potential plot of owning a gym is very cool. That said, the breakdown at the end was less than interesting to. Not a fan of that at all.
8/29/20, 1:50 PM
more please
Damian
8/29/20, 1:42 PM
Continue please.It can be a great story in future.
Scott
8/29/20, 1:39 PM
The idea is hot and i see its got a very big potential too it. Saying that some editing and rewording might need to be done too make it easier to read and follow seamlessly. Good luck continuing on.
8/29/20, 1:32 PM
Thanks Man, I Love!
Alex Later
8/29/20, 12:36 PM
Thanks for all the positive comments, English is not my native language, so I screwed up a bit, depending on the on-line translator, but I will definitely use Grammarly
8/29/20, 12:35 PM
I'll take that! I agreed with you back when I originally chose to finish this series, that when you give a character absolute power, there is very little that can stand in their way. That being said, a some people wanted me to continue the story, so I thought I took it in the most natural direction that I could. We got to see a few different perspectives on life post-Jafar, all the while knowing that he was going to win - it was an inevitability. But I enjoyed the ride... I'm in the process of putting together a story where a different author writes each chapter - in order to try to increase my writing skills and creativity... it'd be great to have some talented writers involved, if you're interested?
8/29/20, 12:29 PM
Oh, so that's the explanation for the hooker, good! We starting to see Jay take a bit more pro-active role, but he is still the chew toy of everyone else. Please continue, this is a really good story!
8/29/20, 12:29 PM
I'll preface my comments by saying that I'm not a big fan of this genre; if you've got an antagonist or protagonist who can change reality with the blink of an eye, then I have a hard time caring what happens, since the other characters' actions no longer seem to matter. That's basically the problem I had with this conclusion as well. That said, I really have enjoyed this series as a whole. Along the way, you had some really nice transformation and world-changing scenes, especially near the beginning of Jafar's reign.
8/29/20, 12:27 PM
Oh! I'm sorry; it was clearer in my head than it must have been when written; when Jake/Jafar and Marcus are back on stage, he still has his new cock, and his muscle. Jafar/Jake allowed him to play with reality - just to see what Marcus would cook up; their disappointment was in how safe he'd chosen to be - imagine wanting to change something about yourself for your entire life; changing it and winding up EXACTLY the same?! Marcus has no imagination; so Jake/Jafar showed him what he could have had... and then took them back to the stage where he'd just been given his dream peen.
EJG
8/29/20, 12:20 PM
Oh how wonderful and horny this story was. Thoroughly enjoyed it. But one little thing took a bit of shine off 4 me.. any allusions to bestial/werewolf changes and what a shame you took away Marcus' muscles and cock. That last chapter of him growing was so freaking hot. But still, thats my own picky thoughts. Was a masterpiece anyhow.
Evan
8/29/20, 11:23 AM
Fantastic concept, very hot. And awesome you for putting up something not in your native language. That's tough. I know little about it but I'm not sure that AI assist is your friend here. A few times the story changed from the reader observing action to having something happening to them ("you/your"). Perhaps someone in the community can help with format and proofing. All the same, you published a story and that takes a lot of guts. And, to say it again, the idea is super hot. I'd love to see more.
Anonymous
8/29/20, 8:47 AM
Oh well. Seems its at an end (for now?). Shame. Hot stuff for the moasochist in me
8/29/20, 8:44 AM
I enjoyed the slow build up through this story and anticipation about what memories might be implanted. Great climax but it definitely left me wanting more!
8/29/20, 8:14 AM
The main idea is super hot! I agree with Hypnothril's comment, though. But in saying that, doing proper world-building is very hard, I myself struggle with it as well. Trying to find a proper balance between "action" and "background stuff" is hard. What I would've done with this story was maybe dividing it into a few sections and/or chapters. The first part could focus on Aaron as a person and how he experiences the world from his home, for example you mention a newspaper in that part, I was very curious how that still came to him and what a news source would say in that context. That news source can also be used to bring some action into your story. For example the news could show one of the zombies. As Aaron leaves the house you can take some time to really describe the world around him through his eyes, maybe even let him witness some of the zombies if you want some action. In the second part you can start building a bit of a relationship between Aaron and Caleb, maybe let them walk around a bit first. After that you can let them have an encounter with the zombies like what happened in this story. A third part could zoom in on Caleb again and his pov. Those are just some tips that you could maybe use as well in a different story :) As for the grammar and language: consider using something like Grammarly, even the free version is very good at finding mistakes and weird things in your text. And, if you want to be sure, have a look at the proofreaders in our Discord ;) To end on a positive note, this story's setting is really up my alley and I am very excited to see what other stories you will produce in the future! I hope we will be fortunate enough to see your growth as an author on here :)
8/29/20, 5:52 AM
Fckin' hot! I am a cigar smokin' nipple man n was just waiting for the beercan Dad to stretch out the new boys hole. I've been waiting for a great story like this! Thank You! More Please!
8/29/20, 5:43 AM
Setup has me anxious. Though curious why took time with and how see Jake had pettiness to work out and other stuff.
8/29/20, 5:40 AM
The mid switch feels it took TOTAL advantage of the magical setup as to just having them hook up.
Anonymous
8/29/20, 1:19 AM
Way too rushed. Very bad grammar. Tenses all over the place. Sorry I had to give up reading it.