Recent Comments

3/27/20, 7:37 PM
With all the excitement about the ChronaVirus, there might be many more people looking for a cave to hide in for a while. With great fortune on their they might be able to find the Honey Bear cave and live peacefully after.
Anonymous
3/27/20, 6:44 PM
next chapter when?
3/27/20, 4:38 PM
God I would love to try one of those suits :D
Anonymous
3/27/20, 3:56 PM
I agree with the comment above. Hearing the story of the massive pec dude would be extremely hot. Along with other transformations Larkin might make to other guys in the gym!
3/27/20, 3:25 PM
YES! that was an amazing sex scene. Aaron is one lucky fucker
3/27/20, 3:01 PM
so hot love this world
3/27/20, 2:57 PM
Thanks for the comments! I wrote this during my student days, so my time was somewhat limited. I haven't gone back to it since those days, but the suggestions sound good.and constructive thus far. I've got more of the story already written, but i can try to integrate some of these comments into it. I made it a community story, so anyone can also feel free to add details...
3/27/20, 2:41 PM
wow! was this one related to the Praise Goddess series? Pretty steamy too. So, what happens to Erick?
3/27/20, 2:24 PM
Definitely a fun story, would love to read more from you.
3/27/20, 2:23 PM
Interesting stuff. What happened to his friends and will he ever cross paths with them? Mike seemed like a good guy. 🙂
3/27/20, 12:02 PM
I will continue doing my Pharaoh's bidding. You will witness the rest of my work. Let the stories set in and you will be prepared for His reawakening.
Slave Abdamelek
3/27/20, 11:59 AM
Thank you for the feedback guys. It's what keeps me writing and gives an idea how to best tantalize you.
Anonymous
3/27/20, 11:14 AM
Hope to see a follow up featuring the downfall of Fury along with Phil Coulson
3/27/20, 9:28 AM
Bravisimo!!! A magnificent series! I look forward to seeing more with bated breath. Seldom have I run into hot stories here that made me cheer and brought tears to my eyes as well. I am in awe.
3/27/20, 8:06 AM
BRAVO!
Albi Allred
3/27/20, 2:24 AM
do a spiderman chapter
3/27/20, 1:09 AM
Wow. That was great!
3/27/20, 12:34 AM
next part soon?
3/27/20, 12:21 AM
Amazing idea and execution; to go from seer and author to part of the story. Really makes me want to enter a few stories on this site. Well done; so now that you're in your world what are you going to do for your Pharaoh?
3/27/20, 12:00 AM
I love self-referential stories. :)
3/26/20, 11:47 PM
I've re-read this chapter again. In the prologue the guy intones a prayer. But in this chapter, it's as if the pacing of the words is a prayer. Especially after Adom has shocked Raveed into submission. Beautiful!
Anonymous
3/26/20, 10:54 PM
hot af
Anonymous
3/26/20, 10:47 PM
It could be much better if the protagonist or others held conversations or we knew more about the them like their physical appearance... it is still part 2 and hope to see more soon. Thanks!!
Anonymous
3/26/20, 10:39 PM
thank you!! setting itself was so good and i really enjoyed it. as said above, it sadly went too fast. it was a nice setup, quite solid and it could be developed into a great story arc. i'm looking forward to seeing where it goes.
3/26/20, 9:34 PM
Hot story. I wouldn't mind seeing a similar story written from the POV of the man with the massive pecs.
3/26/20, 9:06 PM
The Master (aka Hypnothrill) pretty much said it all; it has a good premise, but it moved way too fast. You could take the start and make a story out of an athlete going to the center, then being frozen and replaced by his replicant. Then said athlete could return to training and carry out the takeover of the team. A slower pacing would allow you to build interest while showing rather than telling. Equally how the replacement works for the athletes and for normal people should be different so you could show that. There's a lot you can do with your story, but you gotta "take your time and do it right" as the old song says.
3/26/20, 6:42 PM
welcome back
3/26/20, 6:42 PM
I love the premise of this story, but to me, it just feels too fast-paced. We shift so quickly between different settings and perspectives that it's hard for me to get my bearings. And the big info dump at the beginning means that there's not much sense of mystery and suspense. But I'd still love to see another chapter, because I think that if you use some slightly different storytelling techniques, this could be an amazingly hot story.
3/26/20, 6:10 PM
Indeed, I have! I posted it on mcstories.com a few years ago. I'm posting some older stories here to motivate myself to write some new material. With Covid-19 ravishing the world, seems like the perfect opportunity ;-) Did you enjoy the story?
Anonymous
3/26/20, 6:07 PM
This looks very familiar as if I've seen it before....just can't recall where at the moment. Did you perhaps post it on another site in the past?