Recent Comments

Anonymous
6/10/17, 2:04 AM
I think I figured out why these feel short. Have you heard of the literary Rule of Threes? Most things happen in threes. One change, two changes, and a third final change, to finish it off. There's another one, less known, but I consider the rule of seven. If you want something to seem numerous, without a distinct quantity, have seven occurrences of it (especially in graphic design, your eye is trained to notice patterns of 4, 5, or 6, but seven gets more difficult). Your stories barely hit two changes per character, so they feel brief. One-and-done is fine, but a progressive change with only two steps feels unfulfilled.
6/10/17, 2:04 AM
Loved it! I hope there are more transformations for guys in your universe!
ChaoticDjinn
6/10/17, 1:07 AM
I'd say one of my favorites of his is the color of outer space however I wouldn't say my writing is necessarily lovecraftian because lovecraftian horror and erotica don't mix very well usually. I just like leaving some descriptions or interpretations up to the reader
Anonymous
6/10/17, 12:16 AM
Can't wait to see how Bradley actually looked like during sessions with Coach. It's a great introduction and great kick off towards the main dish. Good luck
Darmani
6/10/17, 12:01 AM
thanks for sharing, hmm what should I try to get the "feel" of lovecraft/weird fiction. either way that was a freudian brilliance moment I suppose with Cuck/Chuck
Anonymous
6/9/17, 11:46 PM
I agree that the story is great but it needs better formatting.
Anonymous
6/9/17, 11:05 PM
This could be a great story but PLEASE break up those paragraphs, this was very difficult to read. Every new line of dialog spoken by a different character needs to be a new paragraph.
ChaoticDjinn
6/9/17, 9:06 PM
Hey, ChaoticDjinn here. First off thanks to everyone who read the story, even if it wasn't really up your alley :3. This piece was a commission for someone on my tumblr and was written to be roughly within a certain range. I had a little bit more to it, but it felt slightly unnecessary to me. I tend to ramble and attempt to cut that habit from my writing, going for more of a less is more approach in comes cases(maybe a side effect of reading Lovecraft). Re the feedback loop and the changing of the entire world, it was planned and not just thrown in. The look created between the two grew to such masculine heights that it spiraled out and changed the very definition, or threshold of manliness. Since the bar was set so high, very few if any men as they existed would meet the new baseline, so the aberrant magic the genie unleashed spiraled out and brought others up to the new threshold, adjusting the world accordingly. That was the idea anyway. Re changes like Chuck and cuck, no matter how many times I go over something i've written my brain refuses see the error and reads it how i see it in my minds eye. Basically, i blow at editing my own stories.
Anonymous
6/9/17, 7:50 PM
It looks like Coach had different types of CDs to program Bradley. Yummy!!
Anonymous
6/9/17, 7:48 PM
Awesome
Darmani
6/9/17, 7:29 PM
The feedback loop between the two of them I get but why do you think entire campus World change? I assume the jinn was dipping on any level of masculinity and pushing to more exaggerated levels. At most I could see a contradiction of asking a personality/abstract trait to be altered and stay the same. But it seems ultimately the loop warped reality just Cuz? I don't know if some word or other changes were intended or not. Like chuck to cuck or the seeming ballooning of roomiest. And no clue why every fell to tom/tops control that way Basically the subtle stuff went by and the brazen too fast. The setup and exploration was nice guess wanted more?
Anonymous
6/9/17, 6:47 PM
Great to see a protagonist to sacrifice himself to become a jock. You have a great writing skill.
Anonymous
6/9/17, 6:30 PM
It makes feel shred : )
Anonymous
6/9/17, 6:13 PM
Great to see it. Love it.
Anonymous
6/9/17, 5:45 PM
Is there a chapter 5?
Anonymous
6/9/17, 5:38 PM
MJordan, welcome to the community!!
Anonymous
6/9/17, 4:15 PM
Jones to Gronk or Ertz? Like a 150lbs slender sweetie to a 260lbs hottie? So hot and ambitious!!
Anonymous
6/9/17, 3:54 PM
Can't wait to see the moment Bradly suited up and become a rough and tough star TE, like there is no remnant of kind and thoughtful former self, thanks to Coach's hypnosis and training.
Anonymous
6/9/17, 3:44 PM
Wish you could show us a little bit more about the sessions in the Coach's room with this white noise next time. Nice beginning and promising set-up!!
Anonymous
6/9/17, 3:20 PM
I appreciate you gave us details without making it redundant. You have raised our expectations. Great job, thanks a lot!'
Anonymous
6/9/17, 3:05 PM
Wow great! hope soon the next parts!!! ;-)
Anonymous
6/9/17, 3:00 PM
Love to see how Bradley become a cocky star jock person. Or, how Coach install that aggressive persona to a smart and kind Bradley.
Anonymous
6/9/17, 12:51 PM
I could foresee Brad become like Vince and have affairs with Coach. You did a great job to make us interested in how he transformed into a star football monster.
Anonymous
6/9/17, 12:48 PM
Can't wait to see the next installment. Well done. Good luck!!
Anonymous
6/9/17, 7:15 AM
I can't wait for him to begin converting new men!
Anonymous
6/9/17, 7:04 AM
Great!
6/9/17, 7:03 AM
I hope there will be a second part Keep on writing
Anonymous
6/9/17, 6:49 AM
Wonderful. Just curious, was "fucking Chuck" a reference to a certain Breaking Bad prequel? ;)
Anonymous
6/9/17, 6:05 AM
I hope Coach will use football gears and compression shirts to reinforce his hypnosis, train and control Bradley and transform him into a perfect TE. Love forced exercised. He needs to practice like a zombie!!
Anonymous
6/9/17, 5:56 AM
Looking forward it!!