Recent Comments

8/13/19, 2:33 PM
Are there more chapters planned for this? Rereading it, I notice the bracelet goes black. That could be a complete ending :(
Stroppy Author
8/13/19, 2:32 PM
mate! wonderful character development! EXCELLENT metaphors. I'm envious!
8/13/19, 2:19 PM
> I very much love humiliation & dialog like that > I was working to set up both the BULL's arrogance/ homophobia/ dominance and counter-balance it with Guernsey's low self-esteem. It's a starting place. We won't see the BULL again for a while -- he becomes more a "presence" in the next few chapters -- so I had to establish him early.
Anonymous
8/13/19, 1:27 PM
I know this is going to sound douchey, but --- just because someone posts a story doesn't mean it should go up on the site. Editorial control should allow the editor to make a qualitative assessment and determination. I know that opens up another door for Martin to deal with, but, quality control demands it. This story sucked. It should never have been posted. It's really that simple.
Anonymous
8/13/19, 12:45 PM
this is the first story I'm ever commenting on because it's one of the best I've ever read. I can't wait to read more.
Hunter_C_Wolf@Hotmail.Com
8/13/19, 11:26 AM
Interesting twist, I very much love humiliation & dialog like that very much.
Anonymous
8/13/19, 10:46 AM
Please continue if possible, it is truly one of the best story I've read in a while.
Anonymous
8/13/19, 8:54 AM
damn please make a part 2
Anonymous
8/13/19, 8:32 AM
Using a genie as a framing device would've worked better if our protagonist remembered the world before the wish and knew he got himself into this situation, I think.
Anonymous
8/13/19, 7:52 AM
Awesome!! Every intellectuals and nerds must become a jock to build a solid foundation of our society.
8/13/19, 7:28 AM
I'm sorry. Is this an attempt at a story? I don't consider this as a story at all. Everything happens too fast and it is jarring. You have Simon who hates demons. Coincidentally you have a demon that specifically targeted him. Not only that his resistance is so pathetic. Coincidence - 2 Mind Possession - 1 Demons + 1 Lazy Writing - 10
zefrog3@Yahoo.com
8/13/19, 7:28 AM
i like the idea but it need more flesh on the bones.
Nice but too quick
8/13/19, 7:01 AM
Everything happens too quick. I wish to see more struggle, the slower changes in emotion etc.
8/13/19, 6:27 AM
Hi Wesley, I've been a fan of you and of your writing for a while now. Long enough that I know that this certainly isn't the first (or second... or third) of your stories to receive backlash here or on the NCMC. So I have three things to say: 1. You have an immense talent. Don't let anonymous commenters convince you otherwise. 2. You are terrifically brave. You aren't afraid to write gross or ugly or awful - and this loses you some fans, but it wins you others. The bleakness of your writing is very raw, very real, and very compelling. 3. You have written a masterpiece here. This story is a punch in the gut. It's a rejection of the birdcage that we find ourselves trapped in during our lives. It's a rejection of the world we live in today - and it's also a hope for a better tomorrow. I hope you and your husband are in a better place, and I hope you'll be able to find a happier ending for your story too. Best wishes.
Aug 9, 2019
rudy blues
8/13/19, 5:34 AM
i really hope more is added to this story, I'd love a sequel where the coach is begging him to be locked in chastity
Anonymous
8/13/19, 5:18 AM
Very very sexy
Anonymous
8/13/19, 4:32 AM
Really loved this one. So hot.
8/13/19, 3:36 AM
*<.<* *>.>* *whispers* Grakata.
8/13/19, 2:48 AM
Yes, a thoughtful/sad ending, but that's what made it a really satisfying and thoughtful story. Thank you!
Anonymous
8/13/19, 2:47 AM
I agree. It was hot, but fast like a two-minute orgasm.
8/13/19, 1:42 AM
I can be hyper-analytical and hyper-critical at times, so feel free to ignore my comment. Some people want to write a story that has, for example, x, y, and z in it. But a satisfying story can't imply have x, y and z without additional thought. See the Wikipedia article on **[Dramatic structure]**(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramatic_structure). So say you want demonic possession. You can simply have a demon approach a subject and say "I'm going to take you over!" But who would even care? Thus you have to write in order to draw the reader in. Like you suggest, having the character act the opposite from the outcome can be dramatic - in this case, Simon is not at all interested in demons and Satanism. So then you have to build up the demon to also have some kind of character. But you've not even given him a name. I've read all the demon stories on this site, and none of them comes close to the supreme one, **[Bargain](https://www.gayspiralstories.com/newStory/show/1903)** by wishbone blue. The first chapter is really excellent - everything is set up, we discover the characters of both protagonists, and if it's your kind of fetish, you want to keep reading. (Unfortunately he never finished it; I've toyed with the idea of supplying my own ending.) So I encourage you to think about these things as you continue to write and improve your skills.
Anonymous
8/12/19, 10:56 PM
the ending made me feel kinda sad for him 😢
Anonymous
8/12/19, 10:44 PM
could you make him crossdress or act like his daughter?
8/12/19, 10:28 PM
TNT a volunteer?
Anonymous
8/12/19, 9:58 PM
😢
Anonymous
8/12/19, 9:45 PM
Was your house on fire while you were writing this? What was the need to speed through the time from the sip of the drink to until the slave awoke and was aware of his surroundings?
8/12/19, 9:37 PM
By the way, did ANYONE get my Dr. Woodrue joke?
8/12/19, 9:36 PM
> I was predicting that the muscle men would end up being harvested by the alien plant species, with the retreat operating as a front. > Honestly, after all the evil overtones of PTS, I just wanted to write a happy story where someone "defeats" the plant. But even I read this and think at the end, "The plants ARE winning...."
Anonymous
8/12/19, 9:31 PM
Nice change for a story like this to both be hot and not make me feel bad about what's happening to them. I was afraid this was going to turn into another story about these two fighting the changes and losing, and losing themselves in the process. It is such a nice change of pace that the changes, while not asked for, are all improvements that they seem to welcome. Keep it coming!
The Author
8/12/19, 9:11 PM
This story was an experiment and I completely agree that a longer length would have been 'too much'. Someone posted that they would like to see a story from a tops POV rather than the more common bottom-focus. I pondered this and then started thinking about minimalism and how many of my stories, as do others, go in to way more detail than they should, taking too much imagination away from the reader. So I decided to leave most of it up to the reader, including the dialog! Sort of like the Peanuts comic strips and movies where you never hear what the adults say. I also wanted the Oh Henry! twist and thought of an interrogation, so even like it seems as if is going there, it is not at all a snuff story. Hypnosis gave the perfect way for the top to implant the whole notion of a death to be investigated, but we all know the detective wanted it. Thanks for the comments.