The Big Softy

By The Dirty Spiders
published July 16, 2019

A young gay dude freaks out when he start hallucinating in a gay bar, but the subject of his visions seems to know the cure.

First posted last year on my Tumblr page.

Notes from the Dirty Spiders. This is another case of a story involved magical affliction people sometimes develop at puberty, The Magician has met with most of these folk by now, (else I wouldn’t have heard their accounts to ever write about it), and he typically tries help them with their conditions in small ways…. He’s ‘generous’ like that

Act I: The Spike

“Woah…. who IS that?”


“That….big teddy bear guy, over there”


There was a bunch of guys in the smoking area. They were standing round a barrel “upcycled” into a table at standing height with some ashtrays on it, and a small plastic plant in the middle (with equally as many butts stamped out in it’s fake soil as the ashtrays had)
The men I was glaring over towards were a typically-dressed circle of “leather bears” as they call themselves. They were wearing a bunch of leather waistcoat, cuffs, keychains some tattoos, some of whatever those policemen hats are called. Some sported shaved heads, most of them big beards but one of them seemed to be wearing a full sized teddy bear outfit. A mascot maybe? From behind it looked like human sized version of those small ‘rude-bear’ ornaments, and roughly the same colour too.

“Surely that’s going a bit far” I thought to myself. Perhaps they were a stage act taking a smoke break, but then, why wouldn’t you at least take the head off your costume if you were having a smoke break… “!…what the helll?!”

I watched as the ‘teddy bear’ one, finished a cigar and stubbed it out while the other men indicated their “see-ya-laters” to him. He then turned to head back inside I could see his front and… his features, his eyes, his movement. They were alive, he was alive. This was an actual life sized teddy bear. Living and breathing… wearing…clothes but everyone around him was behaving normally.

He was casually shoving through some other people, his furry belly getting squashed in places where he was shuffling past. He was making his way toward the door when I caught his eye. I suddenly felt strange, because he just gave me a look of curiosity, like “what, is there something on my face?” his expressed a type of subtle realization in our stare, and as he did he just looked away from me and carried on toward the door.

“Did you see him? Ben. Am I…?”

“James, do you mind not staring at people. JESUS”

“But come on, that guy was a living bear, how is this real? Am I… going mad?”

“Who the blonde ginger guy? What do you mean a living bear? They’re all living”

“No, look, don’t be stupid, a living teddy bear just walked passed us… a giant teddy bear, what is happening?”

“OK mate…. Did you take something?”

“NO! ehh, What?”

“You just imagined a giant teddy bear, walking by, Jay, I think we need to get you home”

(my heart stopped in it’s chest) “Fuck!, I bet my drink was SPIKED!!” (this scared the fuck out of me) “OH NO! What if I start having a nightmare hallucination!!” All I could think about were the stories I read about people accidentally peeling their own skin off and winding up in A&E “You were supposed to mind my drink!! You let someone spike it!! WHAT IF WE’RE BOTH SPiKED!!” I held out my drink like it was a live grenade. I didn’t mean to shout at him, or overreact. but I was really rattled.

“Hey! Fuck you man, I did watch your drink! and I’m not seeing anything… weird” he calmed down a bit and grew concerned for me “Look, let’s get you home OK?”

“Yeak quick!” I added, panicked as fuck.

Ben, being an awesome friend, immediately and calmly left his cigarette that he had just lit, and we headed straight in through the bar to get to the exit. As we walked in I looked around and my eyes widened as I saw this life size teddy again at the bar ordering a drink. I wanted to shout ‘OH MY GOD, THERE HE IS!’ but I realized that would make me seem nuts, and I wanted to draw as little attention to myself as possible.

Ben noticed me staring, “hey man, just come on”, now with a slight worry for me in his voice. The Teddy person noticed us too. I was frightened and pale, and hoping I wasn’t about to die (I am a real wuss when it comes to drugs and getting spiked with something was always a big fear of mine). Also, why was it only that ONE person? Oh God he’s coming over…

Act II: A Good Source of Quinine

He approached us, drink in hand, he looked at me and directed a question to Ben “Is your friend OK?”

“Oh yeah, I think he’s just been spiked or something and he’s freaking out, we’re going to get him home”

As frightened as I was it was amazing. Everything about what I was seeing was real, his eyes, the subtle movement of facial features, I could see why people might do drugs like this; the sheer experience.

The teddy switched his attention to me “Are you OK pal?”

“Ye… Yeah, I think I just got spiked with LSD” I said, wide eyed in amazement

“Yeah?” (is he a doctor?)

“and what are you seeing?” he asked authoritatively.

“Emm… when I looked at you earlier you looked like a big teddy bear….you still do, hehe” A nervous, self aware laugh at how stupid that sounded.

“Hahaha, wow that must be crazy, but just me? Like, just one person?, no one else?” he gestured around ”…the walls aren’t melting?”

“No” I answered timidly

“OK. I know exactly what you’ve been spiked with, and it’s not LSD”

“What!?” asked Ben, my friend-come-guardian-of-a-spiked-person.

“…What is it!?”

“It’s a designer drug that gives especially strong isolated visions but you can dissolve it up with quinine… like ehh….” seeing the teddy bear search for a word “…Tonic water. Go get your friend a plain tonic water. Make sure to get one with quinine in it, not diet or any fancy kinds. The bar man will know but don’t say what it’s for. It’s better not to move him (meaning me) too much or get him worked up so I’ll wait here with him”

Following the man’s confidant instructions, Ben dashed off to the bar leaving me with my life size teddy hallucination.

“What’s your name cub..ehh dude”

“Jay, ehh James, people call me Jay”

“Jay, I sent your friend off so I could explain I really am a teddy bear. It’s a magic affliction I suffer from that only certain people can see, usually very few, so when your friend gets back drink the tonic water and pretend you’re cured and you don’t need to ruin your night out because of it OK?” I could hardly take in what I was hearing.

“…but…WHAT? How can….”

“It’s just something I’ve been born with, like a magical disability. I became this… teddy bear mascot thing when I hit puberty. It was off and on at first and different mascots… hawks and things, I had a fetish for them. Then around 19 or so I remained a bear permanently, but most people still just see a person. It’s like involuntary hypnosis for them” He showed me his paws, and I instinctively grabbed them out of curiosity. They were so soft and furry, and I could squeeze them and feel that they were almost hollow.

“Oh jesus, Jay! Stop grabbing the man”

Ben had returned with the tonic water ‘cure’ to find me grabbing the hands of this stranger and at once said “Sorry about him. Here. drink.”

I grabbed the tonic water, and looked at my bear friend and drank it all. The Teddy gave me an expecting look and I snapped into acting.

“Oh. My. God…. It worked” I did a corny double take which luckily, Ben was too concerned for me to notice the crappiness of the acting.

“Did it!?”

“Yeah, he’s just a man now…” I said looking at the bear.

“Yeah It dissolves pretty fast, with the…quinine…” the bear added, “I think they made it that way in case people saw something really nasty, and needed a cure fast. Well boys, have a good night and play safe”

“Hahaha, oh we’re just friends” I added hastily (and then looked over to see if my haste offended Ben).

“Yep, we’d do anything for each other. Right, let’s go have the rest of my cigarette now that you’re not dying of a drug overdose”

Turning the the teddy bear he said “that’s for the heads up and sorry for the…” leaning toward me “…hand groping”

“Hehehe, not to worry, I’ve seen people do worse on that stuff. Enjoy your night boys”

Just before we started to move, I blurted in “OH, but what’s your name?”

“It’s Jack” sticking his paw out for a hand shake

“Nice to meet you Jack” I shook his paw and stared into his shiney cartoon eyes.

Wow, what an encounter.

Act III: Operation Wingman

I was distracted for the rest of the night. Ben and I would typically just sit around chatting, staying reasonably sober and if one of us saw someone we liked, the other would instantly be there as wingman. We’ve been friends since first year at Uni. We met at a house party and had a drunken kiss and then found out later (by appearing in the same lecture hall) that we were also classmates in sociology. We since become such good friends and yes, laughed several times about our party meeting.

Ben noticed I wasn’t listening to whatever the hell he was talking about changed his tone “OK. You’ve been in another planet since the drug thing, are you feeling weird? because I can still go home, I don’t mind”

“It’s not that… it’s the guy”

“What guy, your teddy bear!?” with the wickedest, most sadistic grin growing on Ben’s face. He loved knowing when I had a crush on someone and my instantly red face told him he had hit the nail on the head “It IS the teddy bear guy, ‘ouuu my name’s Jack’”

“SHHHHHH!!, fuck you!” (I looked around outraged that his impression might be overheard)

“Hahahahaha! Well of all the people haha” Having gotten his ‘kick’ out of it, Ben quickly transformed into trusty wingman mode.

“Do you want me to say something? Or will we go over together?”

“Oh, I don’t know”

“Look, he smokes, I smoke, I’ll just say a word in the smoking area”

“Jesus, but… what if he…”

“James, Jay-jay, jelly bean. Look., you know I’m a smooth fucker, I’ll be smooth as fuck. I got this”

“OK, OK, yes. I need to go for a piss and…think” I turned quickly and Ben laughed at my nervousness and headed to the smoking area.I lingered a while in the toilet, and spent a luxuriously long time splashing water on my face and drying it. Getting back down to the bar, I headed to the smoking area.

Coming out the door, I tried to act casual as I saw Ben and Jack at one of the barrels smoking and chatting. Ben threw me a casual “ey, why dontcha’ saunter over” look (god bless him, he is a smooth fucker). Jack looked at me, with his teddy bear eyes, in a kind of curious, summarizing gaze before his attention turned back to taking a puff from his cigar and listening to something Ben was saying. I approached

“Hey Jay, I found your LSD savior from before, he’s telling me he works in town”

“Oh yeah? Nice to meet you again, thanks for earlier” I extended my hand out for a hand shake (not knowing what else to do).

Biting his cigar to free up his right paw, he met my handshake. “Nrr trr meet yrr” he said as he shook, with one eye squinted from the smoke.

Ben continued on for us “…Jay is doing a PhD in University over the way, we met in first year”

“Students?” Jack answered

“Well., I run a cafe now but, yeah, Dr.Universe over there is still a student”

“Doctor?” the teddy said, appraising me “and what’s your PhD about? ‘outer space’ I’m guessing”

Ben gave me a look as if to say “well, answer the man”

I snapped out of my mini reverie. “Oh! yeah, it’s Astrophysics, and theoretical biology based on Astrophysics”

“Hmf, I have no idea what that is” (with adorable puff of breath coming from his cartooney snout) “…is it like aliens?”

“Kinda. I use astrophysics to theorize what life might be like on other planets, with different gravity fields, or stars, or atmospheres”

“And you get paid to study that?”

“What? oh, ehh no. I have a scholarship, and Ben here let’s me mop his floors for minimum wage” I was drinking in all his animated expressions, his eye movements, how he smoked and tipped his cigar. It felt like a dream watching his glassy, colourful eyes, and furry face make such normal, everyday expressions.

“I’m a very kind boss” Ben interjected

“Hmph!” Jack seemed to be amused by that “He’s your boss and your still friends? You must be close”

Ben, continued with “Well, he sure knows how to mop floors. Listen gents, I need to pop off to the little gay’s room. I’ll be back in a while.”

“OK, mate see you in a bit” I said, as he left and gave me an assured ‘go get ‘em’ look.

“Bye fella” Jack added and turned to me again nodding in an assured tone

“…he’s a good friend”

“…yeah, he’s the best, wait. Why?”

“Oh just, he new how to break the ice, he said you might want wanna talk to me, to apologise for before, but I knew what he was doing”

“You’re a smart teddy bear”

“Hmm hmm, careful pal, just use ‘bear’”

“Oh sorry, yeah, and hey, that’s a lucky coincidence”

“It is” he said taking another puff.

“So, what do you look like, ehh… as a person, like, what do people see?”

“They see a man with fair skin, and fair hair, same height, I’m not sure what weight, but the clothes I wear are the same.”

“Wow, that’s so strange, does human you have a beard or …”

“My muzzle grows and my fur grows. I have to trim it with a buzzer”

Indicating his muzzle with his paw he said “this length is the equivalent to stubble, or a short beard on my human apparition” Text beep

[Bee: I think he seems lovely. He smokes a lot, but he doesn’t drink, that’s a lemonade he’s drinking. He thinks you’re alright, not too worried about your age. I’m gonna leave you two alone for a while] [reply: OK, later]

“That’s him, I bet” jack said laughing.

“Got it in one” I put my phone away and we chatted for another hour or so, all the while I was taking in this ‘thing’ I was looking at.

“Hey bud, It’s after last orders here, do you want a seat home?”

“Oh, wha?” (I had gotten a bit drunk) “ehh, can you drive?”

“Yeah, I don’t drink. Come on, call your friend too, tell him we can save him a taxi”

“Sure” I fumbled out my phone,

Text inbox, 1 message.
[Bee: I checked in on you & Mr. Daddy bear, you were still there chatting, glints in eyes, I’m making my own way home. safe have fun, I scored as well, gossip 2 follo]

“He left already” I said looking back at my teddy companion.

“Right, follow me cub” he said assuredly “the cars this way”

Act IV: Great Hugs

Kissing him in his car was such a new experience. His face was furry and soft and gave way a little but his mouth felt like a real mouth once you got in; wet and with a big wide flat tongue. He could open it far bigger and wider than a human mouth too. I reach down to his crotch and felt a furry mound. I couldn’t really tell what I was feeling before he said

“Woah, woah, woah, I’m not that kinda bear. Mr. Drunky”

“Oh, fuck, sorry…I was being nosey….”

“Yep, they all are” he said, starting the ignition “Right, where do you live?”

I gave him my address and off he went, driving me home…

“Right, This is me. I still live with students, but I’m the only one who stays at the weekend”

“You’re alone tonight?”

“Gant comes back at lunchtime tomorrow, but yep, house to myself. You should come up”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea cub”

“Oh come on, just for tea, do you drink… liquids?”

“HAHAHAHA, you saw me drinking soft drinks all night!”

“Oh… haha, you’re right sorry, I don’t know! I’m just drunk” I leaned in for a kiss and he obliged. We lingered a moment like he was deciding something.

“…am I OK parking here?” (YES!!!! Fucking yes!)

“yeah sure, it’s college parking, and there is no one here”

“Right, let’s get you inside” he said.

Inside, I couldn’t resist giving him a big squeezy hug

“mmmmm, such a great hug”

“Thanks cub, hey nice place”

“Thanks…this way… in here”

We fell on my bed, in a tangle, kissing. I ripped my clothes off and grabbed at his fur, greedy for his soft bouncy body. I couldn’t really ‘kiss him all over’, because he was furry but the feeling of having this giant teddy bear to play with was more than enough compensation. He was growling, kissing and was able to lick me with this huge flat tongue of his that must’ve been about 3 or 4 inches wide as well as soft and wet.

“Wow this is all new…” he said, But I had no idea what he was talking about. Oh GOD it felt good.

He was undressing too, all the leather stuff, and soon he was down to his boxers. They were white cotton shorts with pink love hearts on them, I laughed so hard

“Oh that is too perfect for you”

“Yeah, I wear them for that!” he said jumping back on top of me. Surprisingly light!

“Mmm, oh you feel lovely” I had an erection under my own Y-fronts that I started saturating with precum,

“you first” he said looking at my pants, as I removed them. Still on top of me, he moved down with his giant tongue and managed to lick my entire dick and balls in one motion.

“Oh Fuck! wow, that tongue!”

“Mmm” he replied, and start giving me this giant wet, blowjob. His muzzle tickling everywhere. It was so light, with almost no force, except inside his mouth which behaved as a real mouth did, only with the advantage of a massive size.

“MMM” I felt myself starting to cum after only a few minutes and came up,

“Nonono, cub, not yet hehehe”

He was laughing gently as he stood back up revealing a tent in his shorts as he removed them.


His dick was, furry, and he had furry balls. The tip of his dick was saturated with precum, and made the fur clump a bit. He noticed me studying it and added “keep in mind I’m a teddy bear not a real bear, so, unfortunately everything’s furry. Usually people think they’re seeing a real dick, but you’re seeing the real thing… oh, but my bell end is normal”

He reached for his furry dick and pulled back his ‘foreskin?’ revealing a fleshy pink helmet.

“That’s amazing” I said honestly, ”but there’s no way I can fit that in my back-side” It was larger by proportion to a regular human penis in most dimensions.

“I don’t expect you to do anything that will make you uncomfortable, cub, but at the very least we can have a play around can’t we?”

“We sure can” I said still staring at his dick.

“Here” I said getting off the bed, “you lie down, you’re taller than me”

He lied down obediently, face up,

“This seems like the perfect excuse to try a teddy/human 69”

I crawled ontop of him, facing his furry penis and aligned my legs either side of his soft plushy head.

“Is that OK?” I asked as I squeezed his head slightly with my legs

“Yeah cub” he grabbed my entire dick and balls in his maw and started licking, while I tried to hold back from squeezing his head with my legs with the sheer pleasure. I could feel his teddy bear nostrils shift big puffs of breath rhythmically onto my thighs. I stayed on the fleshy parts of his dick trying my best not to let my teeth meet with it. I use my hands to grab his furry shaft, and in doing so,falling into his round belly. He didn’t seem to mind.

He was winning the race though and I could barely hold back an orgasm any longer. My entire lower body was tensed as I tried keep the jizz back for another while. His dick was amazing. I was exploring it all the way down my hands and eventually found his balls. They were only a small bit bigger than regular balls, and I squeezed to see if it was as soft and fluffy as the rest of him.

“MMM!!” he flinched in pain, and almost clamped down on my entire crotch with his teeth!.

“FUCK!” I jerked reflexively and immediately felt something disconnect.

“Shit, I am so sor…” I said turning around to see what happened.

He was lying there motionless, with his head separated from his body.

“OH My God what did I…” I flipped myself around and examined the separation. His head was indeed hollow “wait, yeah, he said he was a teddy bear mascot…”

Peering into his neck I could see a zipper run down his back. I picked up his head and pulling his body up I tried put his head back on his soft shoulders, he immediately sprung back to life.

“WOahhhh, What did you do that for!?”

“I am so sorry I didn’t think it would hurt you”

“What squeezing my balls?, fuck!” he pawed himself carfully trying to soothing the area and check for injury. He was clearly pissed off, but just looked at me and started laughing. “Huhuhuhuh, you’re such a drunk idiot…” he said leaning in for a kiss. “How do you feel about topping a teddy bear?”

“That…” in between “…sounds…” kissing “…amazing”

“You gotta use protection though”

“Yeah, I was gonna anyways, gimmie a sec”

Like a practice ninja, I was ready in about 25 seconds and he, my giant teddy, was lying on my bed waiting for me. His asshole was furry as well, and he had a stubby tail!!

“Your tail is adorable”

“Aww, come on kid, quit it with the ‘adorable’, I’m a big scary bear”

“You’re tail is rugged and sexy” I adjusted, sarcastically (god, what am I even putting my dick into?)

I approach, and tried to enter. His body was soft so I had to almost grab two fistfuls of his teddy ass, get myself in. Once I broke through his inside felt fleshy and alive. “Is that OK?” I said, wondering if he was having any discomfort.

“yeah, let’s see what you got, don’t mind if there’s squeaking” (??)

“OK, I won’t” (no idea what he meant)

I started working and sure enough, along with his groans, and my groans, I started to hear a rhythmical squeaking. “Squeaking!?” I said, in between exasperated breaths as I fucked him

“Yes!” He said impatiently “concentrate, man!”

This was too ridiculous, he began squeaking like a squeak toy as I buggered him, all the wise groaning rhythmically. I did throw me I must admit, but grabbing him firmly and feeling my grip sink into his big soft, furry body, was satisfying.

“That it’s cub, COME ON”, I could feel him managing to masturbate himself furiously against my bed sheets as I fucked him, and heard him growl out a roar of satisfaction with his face buried into my bed sheets as he started coming, I let go as well,



I tensed as I came and fell onto him, crumpling into his body like I was falling into a freshly plumped pile of cushions. “ Ohhhh god that’s nice” I rested in him for a moment before taking my dick out of him and rolled off.

“was that you cumming as well? I was trying to hold back for so long”

“It was cub” He leaned in for more kissing.

“Sorry about the balls thing, at least now I know”

“Now we know” he said in a strange voice (maybe an in-joke I wasn’t privy too?) “I need a piss” he added climbing of the bed and heading down the hall.

It was strange watching a giant teddy bear go off down the hall, scratching his ass as he went, and hearing the splash of liquid from the open toilet door. So he’s alive on the..inside? Like from his mouth, eyes, dick, ass… all his holes? But, also like a bear mascot costume as well? My drunkenness hit me as I watched and I started to ‘pass out’ with sleep. I tried to stay away at least until he got back, but it was a challenge. I stayed conscious just long enough to for him to come back in saying “shit, my fur is all covered in jizz, I’ll have to get washed tomorrow” I felt the bed sheet lift and then felt a great big mountain of plush softness surround me and arms scoop me into a giant fluffy cuddle.

Act V: Curiosity Strikes

I woke up to the sound of loud snoring, and looked up. We had moved around a bit while sleeping and now the giant teddy who’s arm I was lying on was snoring loudly face up with his tongue hanging out and limbs ‘man-spread’ into a bed angel. I smiled and flipped his massive tongue back into his mouth and he made some cute chewing noises, but the snoring shortly continued again in earnest.
By now I was sobering and beginning the journey towards hang-over.

I was freshly reminded of how crazy a situation I was in. I rubbed his belly and nuzzled into him taking in the feeling, but as I did, a curiosity struck me. I got up and sat on top of him looking down at his mouth wide again snoring. I decided I wanted to see inside him again. I carefully, put my hand under his cheeks and pop! Lifted his head off his neck. The snoring immediately stopped.

Examining his head, it was everything a mascot outfit would be; well made, room inside to fit my head, but, when I tried it on, I could see out his eyes, even though they were closed, and no where near in front of my eyes. Taking it off again, least it wake him up I lay his head to one side and examined his body. I got down of the bed, pulled the sheets back and tried to lift him up. He came up easily and felt light and floppy. There was a zip in the inside that zipped down a nearly invisible seam on his back.

I zipped him down and saw that his body had some light reinforcement on the inside to keep his frame up when empty. It has other zips and seams and all the things you would need if you were separating him out to be machine washed. I instantly decided to put him on sitting on the side of the bed and he was so comfortable. I zipped up the back and walked around in my fluffy body. “Oh my God, he has a fly” I said, finding a zip near-and-to-the-side-of his own dick and I tested it. I also realized I needed to go for a piss. I went to the loo for a test run. It worked fine but I had to I had to use his paws to hold my dick once I got it out. Anyways job done. I tried not to cover him in piss splashes and I went bad toward bed. I glanced at the head I’d left on the bed thinking it’d be lovey to sleep in him. I found the idea irresistible. I crawled back into bed, got comfortable, and then clamped his head on. The snoring immediately began again, with a few disturbed sleep-snorts but this time the sound was almost completely softened to me. I felt my breath synchronizing with his, and my tiredness return.

The morning came, I found myself “walking” and shaking my arm. I snapped my eyes open suddenly seeing a teddy bears reflection, brushing it’s teeth with a travel brush. I must have slept all night in him and now he’s awake, I wonder if he can sense me? Immediately the brushing stopped as he gave a curious look in the mirror. I paused and emptied my mind, and it seemed to work, he carried on his morning task. I observed, in silence, and letting his body guide my body. He did a few more things, brushed his face with a little with a lint comb, used the toilet, and got dressed. I wondered at what point it would be too late to reveal myself and I ended up staying quiet for so long that it became kind of embarrassing. My housemate came earlier than I expected and watched as he found Jack, in the kitchen trying to work our coffee machine.

“Hello… strange man”

“Hello kid. Your Housemate Jay, ehh… invited me here last night, but seems to have vanished and left me to my own devices”

“OOOOh. Well in that case make yourself at home, I’m Gant”


“Yeah G.A.N.T., it’s a strange one”

“Yeah, unusual. I’m just boring old Jack, a pleasure to meet you. Can you help me work your coffee machine?”

“Yeah, you have to press this one first…”

I watched as they sat and had coffee. They talked about what each other does and I must admit I was pleased with how well they got on. I never really clicked with Gant, but he’s a very polite, likable person I was learning. The coffee was strange. As he drank it is sort of spilled toward me, which panicked me a bit, but instead of scalding me it just left me with the taste and experience of it with only minor textural feeling of splashes. At one stage Jack asked “is there somewhere I can smoke?”

“Oh, you can in the little conservatory in the front” and getting up Gants said “I better go get ready for this afternoon, it was a pleasure meeting you. I ehh… hope we meet again?” He said awkwardly, reminding them both that Jack was probably there because he’d had sex me me the night before.

“Hehe, sure thing kid” Jack brushed off the awkwardness so calmly. “Good luck with the rest of your day”

Bringing his coffee cup to the conservatory Jack took out a guillotine and clipped a cigar. He clamped it in his mouth and lit it. His head filled with smoke I started choking, and tasting it.

What the hell is… tha..UMPH!” I took control of his arms and popped off his head as fast as I could. Coughing as I did.


His head in hand I span it around to see his face frozen in a curious look with a lit cigar in his mouth.

“Oh fuck, what’ll I do now?”

I took the cigar out of his mouth and put it in a nearby tray. And put his head back on to face the music.

“JAY? You’re wearing me!?” he said is disbelief and hushed anger (so as not to alarm my housemate)”

“I’m so sorry Jack, you woke me up with your snoring, and… I feel asleep with you on. I was trying to… pick the right time to come clean but it just kept getting more awkward”

“For crying out loud” Not knowing which part of my story to be more incensed about

“OK, Whatever, will you please, take me off and let me have a smoke!?”

“But I’m naked…” I said, wincing with awkwardness.

“NAY…” hushing his voice again “…you’re wearing me naked!?” he exhaled in frustration

“OK, well then bring me upstairs and TAKE ME OFF” he paused for a moment “…you will take me off and put me back together? Yeah?” he asked seriously.. I think he was considering the possibility I might take him off and simply keep him”

“Yes, ehh Yeah absolutely Jack… Will I bring your cigar?”

“Can I smoke in the house?”

“No, but my window has a little balcony ledge thing”

“OK, yes bring it up so. Don’t let it go out” he said abruptly, Trying to get back to ‘angry-with-me’ mode.

I took his head off immediately and went in. I had his head under my arm and decided to hold the cigar inside it. I was careful not to burn the inside of his head but I needed to not stink up the house. Jerome, (one of my other housemates) is fussy about smoke, and has asthma, and even the slightest smell sometimes sets him off on a rant, so we bargained him for the front conservatory. I carefully walked us up to my room again.

Gant saw me pass

“Woah. nice outfit” (woah, so it’s an outfit when his head’s off… well… of course it would be)

“Haha, cheers”

“Do you want any coffee, your friend down stars just had..”

“No, No” I said rushing “I have to do something real fast with this.. for a thing…I’m doing for him”

“Oh, OK laters”. He said disinterested in my disaster of a sentence, and returned to his work.

I got to my room and threw his head into my bed and put his cigar on a small saucer near the balcony door/window thing. I quickly zipped him down and put him in a pile on the floor. Now I was naked in my room with a giant teddy costume.

I decided it was only fair to fix him up first, even though I was freezing, so I picked him up and vigourosuly flicked the outfit one or twice to straighten him it into a sitting position. I zipped him up and tried to get his head back on. The costume eventually clicked together and he blinked and came too, sitting on the floor.

“There. That’s better, did you bring…” looking out toward my little balcony thing “you did, OK. Not too bad cub… I’ve forgiven you yet though you naked…idiot” he actually laughed saying this.

He stood up awkwardly and walked over to the balcony.

“Thanks and sorry” I said rushing to my wardrobe, “I’m going to put something on”.


He seemed to forgive my stunt and we chatted some more. All the while I hoping he didn’t think I was a bastard that he never wanted to see again. I became amazed as he explained how, he’s never actually had sex with someone who’s seen his actual form before. He had a couple of friends who sees it, and some of his family see it. But I was the only person that happened to be gay and available and that was a new experience for him in that respect.

“That’s Amazing!!!!” I said triumphantly, before realizing i sounded infantile “but then how did you know about the squeaking”

“Oh I hear it all the time, but people, like normal people don’t. I asked a guy “do you hear that?” he said, imitating the motion of looking back and getting fucked from behind.

“And he was like ‘No, ya daft bass’tid, sush’” (he said in a ‘camp’ voice).

I laughed at his reenactment, and I think he even cracked a smile.

SO anyways, yeah, I was worried about that last night, but you seemed to be someone who is too open to be a danger to anyone”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked… trying to decide if that was patronizing or a compliment

He indicated it wasn’t important with a wave of his paw and stepped in to kiss me “I’m off"

I enjoyed his muzzle one more time and after the kiss he said "thanks for not keeping me, after putting me on WITHOUT my permission. Please don’t do that again…” he did one more quick kiss and I kiss nodded my understanding.

We exchanged phone numbers as we said goodbye at the door.

My phone hopped with incoming texts when i turned it on.

…It was Ben dying to know the gossip.

The End

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