Porn Star reborn Final

By Stroppy Author
published January 1, 2019
Summary

A porn star dies and makes a comeback

PORN STAR REBORN

" You’re on trial and this is a test". Jase looked at Gabriel and asked, “For what”? Gabriel smiled and said “Guardian angel. You chose the subjects of the test and you brought your brother into the equation. I, for one, am looking forward to what you have planned”. With that, he disappeared.

This is some fucked up shite! All of his life Jase assumed he was being judged by something higher but he never once believed that God was an extortionist who would condemn you to hell for not muttering his name or following his rules as long as you’re straight. Now to find out his belief was right, what’s the point? So he can spend an eternity incorporeal? No.. He didn’t want this. When he next saw Gabriel he would tell him to just lay him to rest. Making everyone else happy while he’s denied love or companionship is like throwing a starving dog a rubber bone.

So convinced that he was going to just fade away to nothingness he reflected on the dynamics of his life and what led him to this very specific situation he’s in. Jase had always known his parents were outrageously religiously preoccupied but as he matured he realised their love was conditional; upon the assumed word of God and their own communal interpretation of God’s will. How many times had he been guilty of prejudice, hate in the name of love, anti-semitism and intolerance because of difference? Had he not been gay and desperate he would have ended up just like Devon.

Well the one thing I can do is try and save him from the lies they’ve brainwashed him with. Jase willed himself back to Arizona State and Devon’s room. Jase looked at his brother and remembered the love they had. It was so real. The Devon he knew would never have done all the terrible things Jase saw when he possessed his body. Drawing an unnecessary breath, Jase re-entered Devons body where he merged with his dream state.

Devon was dreaming he was in a rock band. He was on tour and having finished their performance, the fans were rushing the stage. Devon caught site of Jase. “What the fuck you doin here, Faggot”? Jase was hurt by the epithet. “I’m here to save you.. I’m worried about you”. With that, Jase exited the dream. Time to do some house cleaning. He jumped into Devon’s memories.

Ahhh… here’s one where he saw me crying at Brokeback Mountain. He didn’t understand why I was crying and I closed him out. Here’s another where he saw me with my rodeo Buddies. He was jealous; he felt left out. Another where he found my stash of catalogs from All American Male with the pages stuck together. What? He was smelling and licking them!

He saw me kissing my best friend as we were jacking off together in my old Dodge truck. Fuck.. We were both horned and hard up. It was a month before I moved to Austin and Devon was 17. I threatened to beat him down if he said a word. I shamed him for my guilt Oh God.. This isn’t because of our folks. He knows they’re nuts. This is my fault. I was so tangled up in my own closet I forgot the one person who loved me unconditionally. I’d never recognised he was gay himself. I ran and left him to face our parents alone while I saved myself. How could I have been so blind! It was clear as day.

I tried to come forward out of his mind but I couldn’t. Something was wrong: I was trapped in Devon’s memories. One after another his memories assaulted me. Oh God! Our Dad used him sexually! I knew Dad drank. I remembered the one time he tried to intimidate me and force me down to the ground. I wrestled him away and punched him out. He told Mom some black guy did it but he stayed away from me. Devon wasn’t so lucky. On one of his drunk binges Dad held him down and raped him. Not just once! That coward! That fuckin Hypocrite!!

Devon’s memories flooded me with images, feeling and smells: He had found my hidden Latex shirt and Dog collar in my closet. He used to wear my rodeo Chaps, jock, boots and Latex shirt to jack off in. I thought I had lost them but he had them! He wore them to New Orleans for a leather event. He does period dress up with the Bear Cats mens group in Nashville. He still wears my jock!, and Oh My God, he’s a sub bottom!! Oh Shit! He lied to our folks and flew to IML last May. He had saved $400 and traded being a Masters sub in exchange for room and board. It was a month before I died! HOLY FUK!

My sweet innocent Brother is in such pain! I had to correct his perceptions. I went back in his memories: We were back at Brokeback Mountain. I was crying and he asked why. A little change and “It’s because being lonely and having a secret is so hard”, I say. “Love is love. I don’t care what our folks or the preacher says. God is love, unconditionally and if we’re wrong and there is no God, then at least we had a life of love instead of lies”.

Back to the rodeo Buddies: A little change here aaaand he was included. In his mind I placed him under my arm as we left the arena. He carried my buckle and wore it to school the next day. Back into the jack off session: Devon was watching behind the tree. I saw myself from that angle. I played things out just as they were but I flashed us to the day I left. I saw it through Devons mind. I turned to him and instead of threatening him, I said “I’m not that far away. You’re still my best buddy and any time you need me, where-ever I am I’ll send you a ticket. I love you more than anything in the world”.

In his mind I made sure he believed I called him weekly. I gave him knowledge only I could have shared in those calls. I made sure he knew of Matty and all of my friends and as a final gift, I shared all the love and respect I had for him. I made sure he knew what unconditional love was so he would want more. I let him know and feel what giving unconditional love was as well. I shared my feelings for Matty and all of my friends and finally how much I missed him.

I called out to Gabriel: “Come end this, I’m ready”.

“Now why would I want to do that”? Gabriel said as he reappeared. This time he was dressed in full leathers. A cigar burning in his hand. Gabriel looked down, and smiling said “Good Lord, even dead you’re indefatigable”! I stared at the hotness I had conjured. It took me a minute to tear my eyes away. Fuck he was hot!. I stuttered: “I.. I want to end this. I don’t want to live alone making everyone else happy. I knew and cared about Matty. The others were just luck.”

Gabriel said “Well.. aren’t you curious to see what happens with your brother”? I had to admit I was. I nodded. In a flash it was morning. Devon woke up and looked around the room. He called out: “Jace”? He looked sad for a moment then crawled out of bed He stood and scratched himself as he walked into the bathroom. Time seemed to speed up. It looked like we were in fast forward.. Devon was a blur as he moved from area to area in his dorm room then to the cafeteria, eating then across the quad to the Memorial Union. Time suddenly reverted to normal speed as he climbed the stairs and entered the “Sun Devil” campus newspaper.

He approached one of the students who recognised him from the Sports pictures. He said “I’m planning on coming out after our next game. When I do I’d like you to have the real story, not the speculation or spin the coach and University would have you believe”. I looked at Gabriel. “I swear, I didn’t do anything to make him Gay… Oh God.. tell me I didn’t fuck his life up again”. Gabriel gave me a look of concern.

The student mumbled.. “I…I’ll be right back. DON’T GO AWAY”. several people came and escorted Devon into a conference room. Devon was the most sought after star player. This was going to be sensational! Gabriel and I floated in and listened to Devon tell his story. He talked about his parents religious preoccupation and how it divided the family: non-specifically of his fathers sexual abuse; of how I had died before he could tell me one more time how much he loved me and how brave he thought I was for doing what he lacked the backbone to do.

"But.. what about the rumors about the women and “Not my Baby”. I asked Gabriel. “Just rumors and opportunists” he replied. “The recruiters knew he was gay. They spread the rumors as a distraction and they took on a life of it’s own”. I was staggered. “But I just re-wrote all of his perceptions in his mind. How is this happening”? I asked.

We don’t make things happen.. we give someone the strength to confront their fears and correct misinformation so they can take a more appropriate path. His coming out was an inevitability. It probably would have been accidental and certainly alone and angry. You gave him the strength to make it deliberate".

To correct another misinformation: I’m here for you". Gabriels face blurred and shifted. It took it’s natural form: my buddy I used to jack off with in and the man Devon saw me kiss in my pickup. I didn’t know he’d died in a rodeo accident. “Eternal love and companionship: Part of the package is someone for you to lean on and vent to. Now that you’re a Guardian angel our minds will meet and we’ll share everything. Our feelings are tied to each other. All the good that you do is also shared. Think of it as commission. You get to participate in their love”. Now lets go kick some psychic ass!

Fin

And now, kind readers, this was my last story. For years I’ve been carrying guilt, angst and memories of a better time. My stories weren’t just fantasies: they were my catharsis. I needed to get them out and turned some into fantasies. Though some were fantastical or magical, all had some element of truth. For 38 years, I was the Paramedic Brice, and Jase and Devon. Tor was my good friend in Oregon who was deaf and non-oral. Tor, Derrick and the others were God like people to me who died in the first wave of the GRID/AIDS epidemic. Sal, Charlie, Bob Hegyi; All of my friends had to be remembered one last time. They were the brave ones and I just the spectator.

Be kind to the authors who take a chance and put themselves on here. Curb your criticism and encourage creativity. It’s in such short supply these days!

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