Sexual Therapy: The Pill

By Martin - martin@gayspiralstories.com
published December 30, 2017
1898 words
Summary

A guy full of inhibitions and phobias is looking for a way to open up to his desires… But he might get much more than he ever expected!

** This story is loosely based on Willie Cici’s “Green Pill” series. It gave me the idea but I wanted to something different with it. I hope you enjoy it**

I’m what people call a “wunderkind”. Knowledge and skills just come so easy to me, it’s like child’s play. Sometimes I really wonder, why other people struggle so much with all those things that I find so easy to do.

With the age of just 24, I sometimes feel like I’ve already achieved everything you could ever strive for. My two master diplomas are hanging in the bedroom, most people think I’m the smartest and eloquent guy they’ve ever met and the company I founded is creating more money than I could ever spend in even 10 lifetimes. You probably think that I must be the luckiest guy in the world.

You’d be mistaken. For all my gifts I got, I had to pay dearly. Fate had played a really bad joke on me. You know, I’m probably the most uptight person existing in the world. You wouldn’t believe it when you see me and talk to me, but it’s just impossible for me to genuinely open up to any person.

And then the corporal interaction… yes, I’m talking about sex, you dumbhead, plain simple sex. I can hardly touch another person, let alone kiss somebody. The idea of getting into close contact with the genitals of a person gives me the shiver.

It’s not that I don’t desire sex. I do. My body does. My mind does. The things I would like to do with another guy… my imagination is just as vivid and hyperactive as everything else in my mind. Oh, and by the way, I’m gay, totally queer. I spent endless hours consuming gay porn, imagining how it must feel like to be one of the guys in the scene.

Would you believe that it took years for me to be able to even touch myself? To simply masturbate? Yes, I’m THAT weird. But just the idea of getting into contact with my own ejaculate is completely unthinkable. Even touching my own penis, covered with sweat, other residues and maybe even traces of urine… ugh. It had cost me immense willpower to finally do it.

I had already accepted that I would stay alone all my life, that I’d never be able to have a real partner, let alone be intimate with him. But then I met Kim. The most wonderful person I had ever seen.

He came to my company as a young intern, sent by his high school to get some experience in the real world of business. He was quite bright but naive, talented but inexperienced. But most of all, he was beautiful, gorgeous actually. According to my penis’ reaction, he was even more than that. I was drawn to him from the very first second, I had lied my eyes on him. But of course, I never gave him any sign of my affection, never approached him, never even gave him so much as a smile.

Still, he must have felt something. Because he approached me. With a surprising brashness that was really against his own nature, he asked me if I were interested in him. He took me totally by surprise, circumvented all my defenses - so I admitted my affection. To make a long and boring story short, we became friends, close friends, you might even call us boyfriends since we were in love with each other.

But that’s the thing. Even though the feelings we shared for each other were strong and genuine, I still couldn’t touch him. I couldn’t allow him to touch me, either. I wanted it so badly, wanted to feel him, wanted to be really naughty with him - yet I couldn’t, my inner demons were just too strong. Stronger than me. Stronger than my love. Stronger than my desire.

Still, Kim stood by me. He even moved into my house. From the outside, we were the perfect couple. My friends thought that I had finally managed to open up myself to someone. But it was just a charade. I could feel how Kim became more and more desperate, that he couldn’t continue to live like that. I knew I was about to lose him. I couldn’t allow that, so I had to do something.

I did what I do best. I started to research. Asked around. Hunted through the net, in dark and in even darker parts of the net. And, finally, I found something, that really intrigued my interest. Someone was selling a drug that promised to solve all of my problems.

It took some time to get in touch with the guy who was selling the drug, but eventually I got him to start a chat with me.

TheGreenPill: “I’m listening”

Mark_C: “I’m interested in your special drug. I want to buy it.”

TheGreenPill: “So you want a special toy for yourself? Somebody who will fulfill all your desires?”

Well, that was not entirely true, but he didn’t need to know that.

Mark_C: “Yes, I need the drug to change a person. To remove his inhibitions. His doubts. His demons.”

TheGreenPill: “It can do much, much more than that. This person won’t be the same. But the change will be irreversible.”

Irreversible sounded good. I wanted to get rid of my shortcomings once and for all.

Mark_C: “What are the side effects?”

TheGreenPill: “Side effects? If you’re concerned about side effects, this is probably not for you!”

Mark_C: “No, please, just tell me. I need to know!”

TheGreenPill: “Read the enclosed insert. It explains everything. So, do you want to buy the drug?”

And so I ordered it. I had nothing to lose but everything to gain, after all. The price was insane, but money meant nothing to me. After 3 long weeks, I had already written off the money, a package arrived eventually. It had been a bad day, Kim had left the house after he, once again, had tried to get closer to me. I had tried, tried so hard, but it was pointless. After he was gone, I just sat there and cried myself into misery.

As the doorbell rang, I tried to compose myself and opened the door. A guy handed me this inconspicuous little package. At first, I didn’t have any clue what I was holding in my hands. I open it, and found single, small pill in a blister pack. And a small USB stick. The pill had a sickening green color. I checked the contents of the package, removed the fillings, and finally found a piece of paper.

It read:

Instructions:

  • Prepare a MP3 player with a headphone.
  • Connect USB stick to player.
  • Administer pill to subject.
  • Wait a minute for the subject to become defenseless.
  • Put headphone on subject’s head and play the contents of the stick.
  • The time span of the indoctrination determines the strength of the effects. Donot exceed 8 hours.
  • The subject will be ready to be used about 5 minutes after you remove the headset. Have fun!

Now, that was not much information. It really didn’t tell anything about the effects. And what were the side effects? The guy promised that they would be listed … I flipped the paper and found some scribbled text on the back:

’Lower intelligence. Single mindedness. Dependency"

I had enough intelligence to be able to afford losing some of it. And singlemindedness… well, I already got that in spades. What did “Dependency” mean? What the heck. I was desperate, I just couldn’t go on like this.

So, I prepared a glass of water and my $5000 mp3 player with its wireless headphone, connected the USB stick, sat down on the sofa, unwrapped the pill and placed everything on the table in front of me. Giving in to a sudden hunch, I also switched on my notebook (it had cost $40.000) and started a recording. I made sure that the webcam was pointing directly at myself. I looked at my own face staring back at me from the notebook’s screen as it was monitoring the recording.

Then I took a deep breath. This was it. Either a total scam and I would just poison myself, or the moment, that would change my live. Probably both. I started the playback and put on the headset. A low hissing noise, like from a bad recording, was all I could hear. A scam, I knew it. Hell, what’s there to lose. I took the pill and swallowed it down with some water.

Now what. I felt my heart bumping. Suddenly fear started to creep up. Funny, I hadn’t been afraid before, why now? I jumped slightly as someone started to speak in the headphones.

“Relax. Let go. Open up your mind!”

Oh no, just as I thought. This was obviously just some stupid psycho hocus pocus, I had been totally gypped by this guy.

“Drop your defenses. Listen to the voice. Give in to it!”

I had enough, this had to stop. I had to remove the headphone…

“There is no reason for alarm. Don’t be afraid. Just relax. Let go!”

I wanted to lift my arm, rip the headphone off my head. But I couldn’t find the initiative to do it. What was that? It’s not like I was paralyzed, I just couldn’t muster up the willpower to do anything.

“Open up your mind. Listen closely. Lose all doubts. Just believe! Relax! Open up.”

Something started to drag on my mind, started to pull at it. I had to fight it. The effects of the drug were dulling my senses, they were dulling the panic that tried to rise inside of me.

“Open. OPEN. OPEN YOUR MIND!

I… had… to… fight… it! I couldn’t lose control, couldn’t allow it to get to me, I must keep my mind protected!

“OPEN UP! STOP FIGHTING! OPEN YOURSELF! LET GO! OPEN!”

My body shivered uncontrollably and my eyes darted around in panic, desperately trying to hold on to something to get a grasp on my realty…

“Open! OPEN NOW!

Then something snapped. It felt like a sharp tearing deep inside of my soul. It hurt, it really really hurt a lot.

But just for a split second. Then I felt my mind opening up. For the first time in my life, all my defenses dropped, crumbled, vanished. My mind opened, opened even more, was open wide now, it was ready to learn, ready to accept, ready to believe. So very open. So warm. So easy.

The face on the notebook’s screen, just a grimace only seconds ago, suddenly relaxed. The eyes, who had shown all signs of panic, stopped moving, they lost their focus and the pupils dilated. The mouth opened up slightly and a sigh escaped it as the body sank back into the soft cushions.

End of chapter 1

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